Henrietta Poses 1916-2010

At Home by Steve Poses: A Caterer’s Guide to Cooking & Entertaining is dedicated to my mother who died yesterday.

My mother was a force of nature in disguise. There are people who when they walk into a room neither add nor subtract. Some people walk into a room and suck out the air. My mother’s entrance into a room always brought a breathe of fresh air – opinionated air, vaguely provocative air, ever interested and interesting air.

Born in Jersey City and bred in Hobocken, as a teenager she moved to Montreal to live with relatives when her parents candy store/ice cream fountain failed during the depression. I often wondered how this uprooting from the safety of mom and dad affected her. It is something she did not talk about at length. My mother was not given to introspection. She just dealt with it as she dealt with all the ups and downs of life and death.

Here is some oft-repeated wisdom according to Henny:
“Many of the things I worried about never happened.”
“Nothing is ever as good as it seems or as bad as it seems.”
“And this too shall pass.”

A women ahead of her times, she aspired to be more than a “housewife” but convention conspired against her. Then, when my mother, still in her early sixties, lost my father, she discovered her true and independent self and began writing a new and fulfilling chapter of her life. On the last day of a summer vacation in Williamstown, Massachusetts she bought a ramshackle Victorian house and with her ever-good taste, careful eye and thirst for bargains, transformed it into the House on Main Street, a small bed and breakfast next door to the Williams Inn. She ran her B & B from Aprils to Octobers for a decade. There she welcomed spring-time families of Williams College students, summer theater-lovers attending the renowned Williamstown Theater Festival and, in the fall, wandering Berkshire leaf-lovers.

The balance of her months she spent in Lake Worth, Florida where she had moved from Harrison, NY with my father in the 1970’s. Ever the community organizer, she formed the Fountain Residents’ Club as a source of connectedness for transplants and snowbirds alike in a new community far from home.

When my mother decided she had served the last of her great bran muffins, Philadelphia replaced Williamstown as her “summer residence.”  It was in Philadelphia that she discovered “Henny’s Girls” or rather “Henny’s Girls” discovered her. She opened the door to her apartment to a remarkable collection of younger women who for years knew that her table was set for them every Sunday evening when Henny was “in residence.” It was in Henny’s Girls that she found a family of daughters for herself and in Henny that this family of daughters found a model of a women who they might become.

This Tuesday a week ago, as she lay in her hospice bed surrounded by family, my mother recounted how she and I once went to a therapist together. We did not have an easy or simple relationship. The therapist asked her if she would rather be admired or loved. My mother expressed a preference for admiration. At the end of the day and the end of her life, she was both admired and loved.

The following is from At Home:

Dedication

My Mother’s Kitchen

This book is dedicated to my mother, Henny Poses. It was in my mother’s
kitchen and at her table that I learned that entertaining is a gift that you give
to others. The illustration below, by Alice and Martin Provensen, was my first
cooking lesson. It’s from the original Fireside Cookbook by James Beard, pub-
lished in 1949. My mother had a local artist copy it onto a large wall in her
kitchen. It reads: “Four persons are wanted to make a salad. A spendthrift for
oil. A miser for vinegar. A counselor for salt. And a madman to stir it all up.”
At 93, my mother still entertains regularly. While her menus may be less
ambitious than in the past, her welcome is no less warm.

I had that illustration — from a first edition of the Beard book — framed along with the dedication. I presented it to my mother on October 16th at a dinner in the Free Library’s Rare Book Room. The dinner was for family and friends prior to At Home’s launch later that evening in the auditorium. It was a lovely evening — especially for my 93-year-old mother — who took great pride in her son.

I mourn the passing of my toughest critic, my biggest supporter and my home entertaining coach.

Henny Poses   August 15, 1916 – March 23, 2010

Thank you for visiting.

Steve
Your Home Entertaining Coach

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8 Comments

Filed under Family and Friends, Memories, My Life

8 responses to “Henrietta Poses 1916-2010

  1. Linda McCarthy

    So sorry for your loss, Steve.

  2. Emily Metzger

    I am so sorry for your loss. She was so wonderful the few times I met her. She had a great personality and a really strong spirit. You will be in my thoughts everyday.

    I will miss seeing you as well. Thank you so much for your kindness and warmth over the past six months. I truly appreciate it and will miss you.

    With great affection,
    Emily

  3. Ellen Kay Coleman

    This is such a beautiful tribute to our Henny,
    Love,
    Ellen, proudly one of her “girls”

  4. Francine Fineman

    I don’t know you personally and never met your mother, but your beautiful tribute brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss and for the loss of a wonderful role model as I look for my next “act” at age 60.

    Thank you for all the wonderful food you have brought to Philadelphia – I still miss the Commissary.

  5. Pat

    Steve,
    What a nice tribute to your Mom.
    Moms are special!
    I am sorry for your loss.

  6. Janis Glusman

    Dear Steve,
    It is not at all surprising to me that your mother was such a remarkable woman. She produced a son in her image and perhaps that is why you two did not have the easy or simple relationship that you mention. I may have met her many years ago and regret now that I did not take that opportunity to speak to her and forge a strong memory. Your description of “Henny’s Club” sounds like such a fortunate experience for both your Mom and the “Girls”. I am sure that they mourn as well. Noah is fortunate to have had her in his life and it sounds like her vitality and hospitality might all exist on a gene that she passed on to both of you. Adding that genetic factor and the role model that she was together and it turns you into the perfect “Home Entertaining Coach”. My deepest sympathy to you.
    Janis

  7. Pat Wisch

    I send you my warmest wishes for sweet memories. We only get one mother in our lives and her death is powerful. I hold you and yours in my heart and in my prayers.
    Pat Wisch

  8. I read with sadness but with admiration about the relationship you had with your Mom.
    What a beautiful tribute for her to know that she was loved, admired and will not be forgotten. How wonderful that she was able to pass on to you her love for making a house a home through food!
    With sympathies and hoping that your memories are only sweet.

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